Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

clense heart

Cleanse my Heart



Just want to

Wash away

All the moments

Before today

Start fresh

With new reason

Stop giving

Into treason

If I could

Id reach in

Remove the pieces

Of past sin

Look at it

In tilted hand

Watch it spill

Like time clock sand

Never again

Will I be

Brought to tear

Brought to knee

All it takes

To live this part

Is cleanse my soul

Cleanse my Heart



“How did we get here, to this moment?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she said. But we’re together and I really like you.”

“Awww, come on. YOU like me? There are so many other guys out there. Younger guys, better looking than me.” I replied.

“There is one guy, ” she answered.

“Well, then why not just go to him?” I said.

“Do you not want me?” She asked.

“Of course I want you.  Look at how beautiful and young you are. You’re stunning. I can lose myself forever inside of you. I want to lay with you always, hold you tight. My arms long to embrace you and never let you go. My hands. my fingers want to run across your skin and touch every inch of you. With each breath I take I want to inhale you, take you inside of me completely.  Your scent is of youth, you are fresh and unspoiled.  My God, YES I WANT YOU.”

“I want you too, I’ll tell the other guy that I am yours and yours only.” She said with finality and a hint of cuteness. “He doesn’t say these things to me the way you do.”

“Of course he doesn’t, I replied then continuing on. He has the whole world ahead of him. If you say no to him, he won’t care, he has choices. Like you he’s young and able to start new anytime he wants to.” I said to her as a parent would to a child.

I thought for a moment then said to her,”Tell me that you want me just for today,”

“I want you right now,” she said as she jumped into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist and started kissing me with a fury that I have long since forgotten existed. I kissed her back as I squeezed and pulled her in. Her arms held my back and neck in place so that she could control this kiss and my response to her attack. My eyes were open as I watched her hair toss playfully across her bare shoulders. I could hear her moaning and squealing as she probed deeper into my mouth with her soft  pink tongue.

Why me I asked myself?

Why would this gorgeous 22 year old woman want me? A man of 50+.

Then the horrible answer came to me: this woman, this, this thing that is is happening here, it is a dream.

Not a dream I am having.

It’s worse and most likely impossible to ever happen.

It’s a dream I want.


He was a gentle giant…Strong and honest…Poor yet resourceful…He always had our backs….Taken from us when he was still young enough to live free…I miss him and I miss his laugh…Sadly his laugh  always ended in a choke filled coughing fit because of his smoking…He smiled at life…Loved small children and pets, he wouldn’t think twice about plopping his huge frame onto the sidewalk so he and some strangers little puppy could make eye contact…Happy but not healthy…Loved but not in love…He worked hard his entire life and yet he never became what he said he wanted to become…Never rich…Never lucky…He left us almost 40 years ago…Dying alone on a New York City street…I was just a teenager when I had to go to the City Morgue to identify his body…He looked so small inside of that black body bag…Smaller than I could have ever imagined he would ever be capable of looking…I remember  more about him now than I knew about him then…He is a constant visitor in my dreams…I am smiling as I write this now just thinking of his visits to me as I sleep…I remember his laugh when I am awake…He never laughs in my dreams…



As I wade through my pain…my pain that is clear and real…it is like warm water that encapsulates me…I swim through it’s rip tides and waves as my pain like a crashing slap is coming to shore…my shore…I am a shore…my pain is below and above me…it is to my sides and it glides itself through my hair, across my skin…I feel my pain wash over me… like I’m putting on an soft,old and familiar blanket…it is covering me…my pain is sheltering me, from no pain…with eyes closed…and my body now racked with my pain…I roll and twist through my pain…take a long deep breath and submerge myself into my pain…I swim deeper and deeper down into my pain…I swim down until I feel like I can no longer hold my breath…deeper I go…my lungs are about to burst…my ears are ringing with new pain…yet I swim deeper still…and when I finally cannot stand my pain any longer…I open my mouth…I inhale my pain…it fills me…I begin to float to the surface…carried along by my pain…I break through, into the light of morning…gasping and spitting out the pain…I am in my bed…what a horrible dream I just had…was it a dream…I look around my bed and myself…it is then that I noticed that my big toe has poked through a hole in my sock…ouch that hurts…




Whisper to me softly won’t you please?

Make me belive that all will be well.

And take me to a better place.

Where life is good and time stands still.

Just for a bit, I would like to have.

A life of no worries.

With no shoulder to look over.

Calm and distant.

Like some world.

That has no sun nor moon to glow.

Just sit and rest while I catch my breath.

So I may face coming back to you.