Posts Tagged ‘mmm’


 

girl with rose

 

My Tip Toe Rose

 

Shall we dance

While we’re here

Just us two

I ask you dear

 

Will it hurt

When we spin

When your thorns

Start digging in

 

How can I

Begin to dream

That I know

What you have seen

 

I can walk

Or skip away

You are where

You must stay

 

At least until

You are selected

And sadly then

No longer protected

 

I am grateful

That you chose

Me as partner

My Tip Toe Rose

 

-peace


clense heart

Cleanse my Heart

 

 

Just want to

Wash away

All the moments

Before today

Start fresh

With new reason

Stop giving

Into treason

If I could

Id reach in

Remove the pieces

Of past sin

Look at it

In tilted hand

Watch it spill

Like time clock sand

Never again

Will I be

Brought to tear

Brought to knee

All it takes

To live this part

Is cleanse my soul

Cleanse my Heart

-peace


1977 – Top song on the radio was “Hotel California”

 

 

 

It was July 1977; I just turned 18 years old. For most kids my age it was time for proms and enjoying the last summer before going to college. For some that might be a milestone, for me it meant that I was now walking on the thinnest of ice. I was now old enough to be charged as an adult for any crimes I would commit from this day forward.

 

 

“SHIT SHIT SHIT, I’m going to be late. I hate being late when I have to meet him, “I was thinking to myself. I was walking fast, maybe sort of running actually. I had to meet Mr. J. That’s what everybody called him. I remember his real name but it doesn’t matter now so we’ll stick with Mr. J. He was this big drug dealer in our neighborhood. He always had pot, coke, smack, if you could name it Mr. J sold it. He never actually dealt drugs himself. He always had younger guys carrying and selling drugs for him. I was one of those younger guys, and right now I was late for a meeting with Mr. J, shit I hate being late. It was around 3pm and it was hot and sticky today.

 

Just a few days had passed since the great blackout of 1977 in New York City. The entire city was without power.  Every traffic light, every store, and every single city power was out for more than 24 hours. There were over 1,000 fires set by looters and rioters. It was also The Summer of Sam. Sam was this physco nutjob running around shooting and killing lovers while they were kissing in their parked cars.  Crazy, crazy shit happened that summer.

The day after the blackout me and this buddy of mine named Ray made these t-shirts that said “I Survived the 1977 NYC Blackout”. We made them in all sizes and colors, Ray and I sold a shitload of theses shirts at $5.00 a piece. My day started like this; Mr. J said I had to go handle this big pot delivery coming into the bus terminal. I figured no problem; I’ll just go to midtown Manhattan and sell some t- shirts while I wait for the bus to come in. I sold a lot of shirts that day and still had a bunch of them stuffed in these two brown paper bags when I went to meet the pot delivery. I hustled over to The Port Authority bus terminal at 42nd Street and 8th Ave to meet the courier. After the exchange I went into the terminal bathroom and put the pot in the bottom of my shopping bags and the t-shirts of top of the pot. I then took the A train from 42nd Street to Dyckman Street, where I was to meet Mr. J and his boyfriend.  I had always been a good solider for Mr. J.  But there was never a good reason to be late. Especially today, today I had a big delivery. In each paper bag I had about 5 pounds of Columbian Gold, the finest and “sweetest smoking herb you ever had.”

I got off the subway train and was walking up Broadway, I was almost at the corner now and I could see Mr. J leaning up against his big black Cadillac. Even from across the street I could see his smiling eyes. He knew that I had the good stuff and my bags were worth a whole lot of money to him.

I was about to cross the street when the following events unfolded right before my eyes.  I could actually see everything taking place out of the corner of my eye as I stepped off the sidewalk and into the street.

 

I saw the big green city bus.

I saw the small car in front of the big bus.

And I even saw the cop car that was slowly driving behind the big bus, the cop driving was actually looking right at me.

Then it all happened so fast. The small car in front of the green city bus slammed on his brakes in an attempt to pull into a parking spot. The city bus didn’t have a chance to stop and slammed into the small car. The bus “crushed” the little car into some other parked cars and right behind the bus was that cop car. The cop car screeches to a stop just barely missing the back of the bus. The impact of the bus and car, the screeching tires from the cop and the image of me almost getting hit by something halted me in my tracks. I didn’t move a muscle, I should have but I didn’t.

Less than 50 yards away and right across the street looking at me was Mr. J.

Less than 5 yards away from me was this traffic accident.

It suddenly occurred to me that I’m the only person on the street here.  I was the single, one and only fucking person on that very corner at that very moment. The cop that was driving and staring at me just moments ago gets out of his car. With his hat in one hand and his other hand scratching his head he sees me trying to indiscreetly cross the street behind his cop car with my two bags of some pot and t-shirts. He runs over and stands in front of me and starts babbling about how, “I WAS THE ONLY GODDAMN WITNESS.”

 

So there I was standing in the middle of this car accident talking with this cop with 10 freaking pounds of the “sweetest smoking herb” you ever tasted under some t-shirts in paper shopping bags. SHIT SHIT SHIT.

I could see Mr. J waving his hands and trying to get me to walk away, but the goddamn cop was saying “Hold on a second there son, we’re going to need you to write down what you saw.” I was like “Officer I got to go, I’m late, and I can’t hang around.” The other cop gets out of the car and yells “Just put him in the car, we’ll get his statement down at the station.” I had no choice but to get into the police car or I would be risking the cops getting suspicious. Worse yet, if I ran they would start chasing me and I wasn’t going to get too far with my bags. So I got into the car and off we go, as I look out the rear patrol car window I see Mr. J screaming and waving his arms.

 

There was nothing I could do, nothing.

 

Back in the 70’s pot was pretty common. The cops didn’t have drug dogs walking around all the time like they do now. Besides the stuff I as carrying was professionally wrapped and packaged. This wasn’t some amateur operation, Mr.J and his connections took their pot business very serious. I was one of 2 dozens guys that picked up for him on a weekly basis. There were a lot of people who would have trouble seeing me getting into a cop car with their merchandise.

We get to the 34th Precinct police station a place I had been so many times I couldn’t begin to count.  The cop tells me to sit on a wooden bench by the front desk and says” don’t worry kid we’ll get you back home with your groceries before you know it.”

I’m laughing to myself yeah thanks officer; “my mommy really wants these groceries.”

So there I sit on this bench in the middle of the goddamn police station AND to make matters worse it’s the middle of a goddamn shift change. There had to be dozens and dozens of cops walking around, and here I sit with 10 pounds of “the sweetest smoking herb you ever had” tucked between my legs.

I’m sitting there for 10 minutes before finally the same cop comes over, sits down next to me on the wooden bench to take my statement of the accident.

“Remember the car accident?” He asks.

“Yes officer I do remember”, I reply.

He asks me “so what exactly did you see?”

Who do you think was at fault? BLAH BLAH BLAH.

He had this clipboard with a sheet of paper with lines on it resembling the intersection. He is talking and making little cars and city buses in his drawing. His eyes were looking downward at the clipboard, it was at this moment that he looks at my shopping bags and says, and “Hey what’s that in your shopping bag? Are those t-shirts? He yanks the top one out of my bag before I could react and he holds it up to look at the writing. “These are great shirts kid; do you have a green one in extra large?”

 

I’m freaking dying here as this cop starts reaching in my bag grabbing t-shirts. Before you know it, other cops that are walking by see this happening and they’re stopping and saying, “hey nice t-shirts.” Another cop asks me, “Do you have a red one?” “I have a son and a daughter do you have any small sizes?” The cop sitting on the bench with me starts to reach into my bags to sort thru the t-shirts. I barked at him,” I got it for you, I’ll get it, here you go, you want a blue one?”

I’M FREAKING DYING OVER HERE

 

This goes on for what seemed like forever and finally everyone that wants a shirt gets a shirt (and hell yeah I charged them for the shirts, $5 bucks each).

I finally sell the last shirt to the last freaking cop in that goddamn police station. I lean back against the wooden bench, “Whew that was close.” I look down at my paper bags and I swear to god there must have been only a ½ dozen t-shirts left on each pile of pot in each bag.

One more freaking “cop t-shirt rush” and they would have seen “the sweetest smoking herb you ever had.” We finish up the accident interview and the cop says to me, “thanks for helping out kid, let me give you a ride back to your neighborhood.” I’m like “no, no I’m alright I’ll hop in a cab or take the bus really officer it’s no problem.”

He’s like, “no way, it’s the least I can do since you helped us.”

 

So once again I climb into a police car with my two bags of t-shirts and the “sweetest smoking herb you ever had.” We get back to same intersection where all this just started a few hours ago. And low and behold, still leaning against his big black caddy is Mr. J. This time he’s not smiling, he’s got this real pissed off look on his face like I was a rat or something. Not to mention here I am bringing the cops right to his feet.

Never happen, because I’m no rat and I would never ever skip out on anyone I was doing business with. I finally cross the street to him and I tell him everything that happened. I was waiting for him to pull out a gun and smack the shit out of me but instead he starts laughing, pats me on the head and says “get in the car little dude, let’s get the fuck out of here.” We drive back to his house and we get stoned right until the morning, then I lock myself in the back bedroom so I can sleep in peace. He has a big house and lots of people are always coming and going so he gave this back bedroom to me and another buddy so we could lock it from the inside while we sleep, but that is another story for another time.

 


We are inside and still the storm has its way with us- Not afraid are we having weathered storms before – Yet this one seems to be of a more personal nature – It seems as if this one has a path, a direction, a mission – it is in itself a vein to which we must accept just as we accept the now evaporating air we struggle to breath – To not be terrified and alarmed right now would be a mistake – The fact that this storm is inside and not of the exterior norm, is frightening – The very color of our blood has become  not blue or red but black – The designs of who we are or who we were have been molded and melted into something too vulgar to see or touch – This is the moment that all dread of and some dream about- When everything you knew or thought you knew to be true is now slowly and surely leaving with the storms windy current – Say goodbye to love, hope and life – say hello to disbelief, terror and pain – NOW run to escape – OR wait and overcome- your choice – I’ve made mine…

-peace


One day a friend and I were talking about family, family love and family values. Our conversation turned towards mothers, and as always when we speak of mothers we speak of love, we speak about respect.

 

My friend went on to share with me a fable he heard. A tale, about paying homage to our mothers.

 

The fable goes like this;

 

There was a man who made a pilgrimage to Mecca. He traveled over 500 miles from his small village to the holy site. Once he was at this holy place he then spent the required 5 days walking around the shrine in the center of the site. This man not only walked the 5 days but he carried on his back his aged invalid mother for the entire 5 days so she too could pray. After the 5 days had passed the man told another worshiper about his wondrous act of honoring his mother.

The other mans response was; “you could have carried your mother on your back all the way from your village, for the full 5 days and all the way back the 500 miles home hopping on one leg and you still wouldn’t come close to honoring her as she so rightly deserves.”

I found this fable very profound. This story was inspired by that fable.

Please enjoy.

 

MY FIRST LOVE

 

 

“I’m over here Kahn,” called Pearl from across the grand hall. Kahn smiled and turned towards the sound of her voice. It was a sound, that from the first moment he heard it, he knew he would love her forever.

“I’m coming Pearl, I’m coming,” he called back as he made his way through the throngs of people passing him. She too was weaving in and out of the crowd. She reached her hand through some of them. Kahn reached for her. He took her hand in his. He smiled as he felt her grip, she leaned in and Whispered, “come outside with me.” Like children with a devilish secret they sneaked past everyone and found a secluded spot outside the grand hall.

“I just came from the doctor, I have the results Kahn,” she squealed. Kahn looked into Pearl’s eyes. He knew at that very moment their lives would be changed forever. Pearl shrieked, “We’re pregnant Kahn, we’re really really pregnant. Twins Kahn, one little girl and one little boy.” They were holding hands and they started jumping up and down in circles. Suddenly Kahn stopped and said,” Pearl you shouldn’t be jumping like this in your condition. You need to be careful for now on.”

“Oh, Kahn, she said you’re going to be a wonderful daddy, I love you.”

 

 MONTH 3

 

Pearl was getting dressed as Kahn came up to her, kissed her tummy and said,” look at my babies.” Pearl smiled as her husband lifted his head and softly kissed her on the lips. “I’ll start breakfast,” he said as he scooted past her and into the kitchen. Pearl came in and satin her chair while Kahn served their meal. He asked Pearl to say their morning prayer. They held hands and bowed their heads as she gently spoke the words. Kahn was in absolute bliss as he listened to both the prayer and the sound of his beautiful wife’s voice.

 MONTH 6

 

“So far, everything looks normal with your babies.” The doctor started but, I am concerned with that swelling on your throat Pearl.” She had been feeling sore for awhile now. “Let’s set up for some tests over the next few weeks, okay Pearl, I want to stay ahead of any complications,” said the doctor.

Later that evening as Kahn slept. Pearl wept silently. She had always wanted to be a mother and now suddenly this mysterious illness might take that away from her and Kahn.

  

MONTH 7

 

“Well Pearl, the doctor started, I’m afraid the tests are correct. That swelling is affecting your bodies immune system. Based on all the samples we’ve taken from your family it appears we do not have a match. We need a compatible match for your anti-bodies. You haven’t much time left. You should consider and early delivery of your son and your daughter.

“How long has she got doctor?,” Kahn asked through his tears. “It could be a few months or a few weeks. I’m sorry Pearl, unless we find a donor with the right anti-bodies soon well…I’m sorry really I am.”

Pearl spent the next morning sitting alone in the nursery. She was rocking in a chair as she rubbed her swollen belly. “No matter what happens my children. Know this I will always be your mommy. I will always love you, oh and one more thing, take it easy on your daddy, okay?” Pearl said as a tear rolled down her check, landing on her belly.

 

MONTH 8

 

It had been 2 weeks since the doctor ran some additional tests on Pearl and the twins. She and Kahn sat anxiously in his office awaiting the results.

Finally, the doctor came in and sat at his desk across from them.

“Pearl, Kahn, I have the results of the tests we did. It appears that your unborn son has the exact anti-bodies needed to save your life Pearl. Further tests have also revealed that your son is actually sending these anti-bodies into your system. Your daughter is perfectly fine and you Pearl, you are improving considerably.” The young couple embraced each other momentarily relieved.

 

“But, the doctor began; there is bad news as well. I’m sorry to say, as your son is saving your life, he is killing himself Pearl. He will most likely not live till birth. I cannot explain how or why. But your unborn son is literally sacrificing his life to save yours.”

 

 “Honor thy mother”

 

 

 


FLY

 

DAD

Yes SON

I’m scared DAD

Me too SON, but as long as we’re together I’m not as afraid

Really, really DAD

Really really SON

Okay DAD, if you’re not afraid then I’ll be brave

Alright SON, take my hand walk to the edge of the cliff with me

Hold my hand tight DAD, you won’t let go will you

I won’t ever let go SON

Okay DAD let’s go to the edge, but I’m keeping my eyes closed

SON, we’re at the edge, look down

I can’t DAD

Ha-ha sure you can SON, just open your eyes

NO DAD

Come on SON open your eyes and look down

I’ll open one eye DAD

Okay SON, one eye, is it open

Yes DAD

All the way open SON

All the way DAD

See SON look down, cool isn’t it

Yeah DAD very cool

Both eyes now SON, open them both

Okay DAD…WOW

Still feel brave SON

Yeah I do DAD, wow it’s far down

Yes it is SON, it’s very far down, but that’s good

Why is it good DAD

It’s good SON, because we get to fly longer

Longer DAD, you mean straight down more

Straight down at first SON, but then we’ll fly in circles

Big circles DAD

If that’s what you want SON

Yeah DAD, big circles like a big bird that would be cool

Okay SON big circles it is, are you ready

Yeah, no wait one more thing DAD

Yes SON

What happens when it’s over DAD

What do you mean SON

What happens when we stop flying DAD

Oh well, then we land SON

After we land, DAD then what

Well SON then we walk home

We walk hand in hand right DAD

Yes SON hand in hand

Forever right DAD

Forever and ever SON

 

-peace

 


A Shame

 

From here

Where I sit

I can see

All of it

 

Of  the mess

I have made

Of the love

That she gave

 

How I turned

Her gentle heart

How I tore

It all apart

 

Twisted the words

Spoken by two

You blaming me

Me blaming you

 

Trying to hold

Onto the wind

Once of pure

Now of sin

 

Again alone

Again in pain

Again my heart

Feels a shame

 

 

-peace