Posts Tagged ‘travel’

clense heart

Cleanse my Heart



Just want to

Wash away

All the moments

Before today

Start fresh

With new reason

Stop giving

Into treason

If I could

Id reach in

Remove the pieces

Of past sin

Look at it

In tilted hand

Watch it spill

Like time clock sand

Never again

Will I be

Brought to tear

Brought to knee

All it takes

To live this part

Is cleanse my soul

Cleanse my Heart



Here is a collection of all the posts that I never finished. I started them and then either lost my momentum or got interrupted. I thought this might make for some interesting comments.


It’s not like I mind the walk, because I don’t. In fact I cherish the journey more than the destination, truly I do. I always take the longer road so I can see and experience more. This road may be filled with turns and dips, but that is why I walk it


I close my eyes and I see HER.

SHE stands just ever so close enough that I can see.

I inhale and I inhale HER.

SHE gently exhales in my direction.

I move and I feel HER moving with me.

SHE dances with my soul, moving me to and fro.

I breath and I sense the rise and fall of HER chest.

SHE pushes my lungs so that I can fill of HER.

I look over my shoulder to change lanes and I see HER of the side of my road.

SHE races towards the engine of me.

I even know SHE’s standing beside my bed at night, I try to open my eyes but cannot.

Mockingly SHE brushes my cheek with her hair.

I can taste HER scent.

SHE wets her finger and traces it across my lips.

I am all around HER.

SHE has me in HER sights.

I want HER to make me HERS.

SHE holds my heart and cradles my life.

I cannot say to HER.

SHE will not hear.



I keep thinking that I have lost my dark edge. I recently said to a friend that sometimes life treats you in a good way and in it’s wake you lose something. It might be the other way around too. Maybe the hard replaces the soft. For some that might be a good thing, I personally don’t want the change. I happen to like where I am at times, and I would rather ME change things instead of having LIFE rearrange ME. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m happy in my life really I am. It’s not what I was expecting, but hey it’s a life. The reason I get out of bed in the morning


I wasn’t hoping, planning or even looking for this to happen, (again). She was just wandering along her road and I was blindly taking one step in front of the other in my so called life. I can’t remember how it happened, HELL I can’t even begin to imagine WHY it happened?  Wasn’t I given enough second chances in my life. Wasn’t it me who took every golden opportunity HANDED to me and squandered it? WTF. There must be more deserving than ME? Is she more deserving, if she is, than why am I in HER picture? I don’t get it anymore, this whole KARMA thing is happening again to me, only this time I’m not the one receiving, I’m the one giving, for chrissakes.

So to sum up; met her,wet her, forget her.

Oh man, this sucks.



I cannot believe the level of anger that swells up  inside of me. It is like a WHOLE nother person in there. Someone who is at the very end of nothing left. I used to believe that I was bulletproof, that nothing could hurt me. I was at one time THAT GUY. Not anymore, now I’m just a shell of that guy. All the years of getting shot at, well I guess some of those rounds got through, because I’m starting to feel the shrapnel. Too bad, I suppose it happens to the best of us huh?



Just humming along, singing a song, thinking I got it made in the shade. “HA”  “HA HA” I say. Got it made my ass! I got played, bamboozled, hoodwinked, scammed. By none other..than MYSELF

What a crock it is to think I have no



“Honey I’m home,” I called out as I walked in through my  front door.

“Honey, hello?” There was no answer. I put down my briefcase, hung up my hat and coat and walked into the kitchen to find my wife.

My son came out and jumped on me and said,”mom went to buy a lottery ticket dad, she said she was tired of being unhappy.”



Man, what a beautiful day it is today. Looking up at the sky I can see every single cloud, really every single wisp of white cotton. I could almost reach up and touch the strands of silk as they float past me. The suns warmth and the gentle breeze as they mix and dance around my face is exhilarating. I feel each puff of air that is allowed to stray from the other winds above me.  The springs release of scents like grass and moist dirt seeps up from below me and mixes with it’s sister like heat of the day. I love this time of year. I wish it to never end, always be warm and playful. Teasing me with it’s allure of more days like this to come. I was standing on the side of the street as the band marched past me.  I could hear each instrument as it was played. I could sense every emotion the music was trying to elicit in me. Staring at the parade and the others like me watching it, I was overcome with a sense of singularity. I suddenly felt like I was completely alone in this crowed space. My senses were heightened and alarmed as I began too see what was happening. While everyone cheered and clapped for the marchers as they passed by. I saw it happening through my now impaired vision. Is this for real??? Can this actually be happening??



The fact that she and I even talk is amazing…There is nothing for us to talk about….Nothing in common…Either I’m wrong OR she’s wrong OR we’re both right OR as is often the case we are on total opposite sides of the simplest of topics…It does not matter who’s talking OR who’s listening…I wish I could be someone else watching us as we talk…What would it appear to be that we are doing?…Hell, I’m not saying  it’s a horrible relationship…I love her and I’m sure she loves me…We just don’t say it anymore, at least not to each other…Sad isn’t it?…For all the talking we do AT each other you’d think ONE of us would take the initiative and stop talking and SAY the one thing that we both need to say and hear…



Last evening I was unafraid…last evening I was bold and brave in a cute boyish mannered way…last evening I made sure to scrub clean all the parts of me that might get kissed,licked or touched…last evening the air outside was crisp and fresh, the air was begging for cuddling…last evening I figured it to be the perfect evening…last evening I made my move…last evening I was wrong…last evening was “HE SHOOTS, he misses”…last evening wa



Closing my eyes and wishing sleep to take me quickly, but once again I am cheated. Why must MY body refuse to give me what it needs? What it craves, desires and most importantly begs for. I beg to forget this day, just as I begged to forget yesterday, and I will most surely ask the same tomorrow evening. Just lay down and have it go away.



ONCE upon a time –

I just walked in and saw her standing there**She was waiting for me, really waiting for ME **Maybe everything in HER whole life had led her to this point**It seems MY karma had this planned all along**When I said hello and she smiled I knew right then that I would kiss her**Great kiss too**Many years have since passed and we have grown older, together**I cannot kiss her anymore**IT just isn’t the way now



Ha ha , it’s happened again. The one you think is the one for you is just another one. WOW, how many times do I have to go thru this crap?



Even though

I’m far away

Even though

I couldn’t stay

It doesn’t mean

I didn’t care

Sometimes life

Just isn’t fair

There are times

When we’re alone

There are times

We only phone

I cannot hold

You in my arms

I only pray

You don’t find harm

I promise this

To you my dear

When I am free

You’ll never fear

I’ll give my all

In every way

I promise this

On fathers day




There is no doubt

You must agree

Life is hard

When you’re not free

This pain I have

This loss of feel

It’s something alive

It’s something real

I cannot bend

Or even break

I must be strong

For their sake

And as I

Hold this line

Outside these walls

Are children of mine

They too, live

Day by day

They too, have

Words to say

I hope they share

All they can

Share their hurt

With their old man



As I sit

In this place

And think about

Time and space

My mind drifts

Back to when

I was young

And clean of sin

When all that was

Asked of me

Was to be polite

And dirt free

Looking at

My life today

Of where I am

What can I say

All the times

That I thought wrong

Of how he sang

The same old song

He did all he could

To keep me from bad

It was me who failed

Not the dad I had




I wish I could just rest my heart.

Just take it out of my body, place it in a silk lined box inside of an ice-filled Igloo cooler.

Gently put “my heart container” at the foot of my bed and relax for tonight.

Lay down and close my eyes. Let sleep take me over. My breathing would be controlled and steady paced. Bones and blood would be at ease. For once, I would not have to think or worry about my heart and how hard it works just to keep me, ME.

Yeah, take it out, because while my heart is inside of me, my sleeping is keeping me awake.

Yeah, this is the way to go.

And yes I did exactly all that last night.

I went into my garage and found my favorite red cooler.

Heart – box – ice – cooler – peaceful sleep.

Yet when I awoke this morning to the sound of her vacuuming the bedroom floor, I almost died.

It seems she felt the need to throw out that old beat up red Igloo cooler.





It wasn’t long

Before I knew

That the mother in me

Is the mother in you

How you held me tight

On my very first day

From the moment we met

From the things you say

I grew up fast

I grew up strong

You were there

For me all along

When my way was lost

Or when I fell

No need for words

You could always tell

Even today

While we’re apart

My life complete

With you in my heart

So, as I write

This poem to you

Remember this mom

Every word is true






I think it’s fair

That you should know

That all you do

Sets hearts aglow

You are the one

Who does their best

You’re always there

And never rest

To be an aunt

Mom or dad

To be the one

She’s always had

As I watch

This from afar

I must admit

How good you are

They’ll always say

She pulled it thru

They’ll always say

Great things of you

So as I end

This tale to you

You should be proud

Of all you do





I used to think

I used to feel

That what I do

Makes it real

But looking at you

And the way you are

Confirms you’re real

And real by far

We shouldn’t boast

Or brag at all

But just the same

You should stand tall

You have a gift

That others need

I wish I had

That gift to feed

So please go on

And fight the fight

It is in your strength

That HE delights

It is my wish

And of others too

That you also feel

The good in you





Just like that

In a flash

Life of normal

Took a crash

They took the things

That I adore

They turned a key

And locked my door

Now I sit

In this place

I might as well

Be lost in space

Told my time

Is not my own

I’m now away

From my “away home”

It’s hard to say

What worst of all

Others here before

Just scratch the wall

The loudest sound

Is the ticking clock

The one in my head

While I’m in this box




On the wall

Where I live

It records

What I give

A little left

A little right

It records

Day and night

Following me

Across the room

It records

Far and zoom

Never sleeps

Or even blinks

It records

While we think

I wonder if

It even cared

It records

What we shared

This world we’re in

The pain we see

It records

My camera me